on how I LOVE my kids

Tags

accidents, anything goes, discipline, everyone else, intention, mistakes, parenting, unconditional love

At the pool party she asked me how I got such nice kids.  She hoped that her kids would be like mine.  I looked over at my two girls playing with the little 3 year olds in the pool.  The boys were helping the toddlers get their lifejackets on.

How do I explain to someone that we were very intentional?  From the beginning.

I remember when I first noticed that everyone did not parent the same.  I watched little “Carl” (names changed) push another little boy down a flight of stairs, in church.  The push was intentional and so was the malice.  Carl’s parents thought it was an accident and consoled him.  Meanwhile the other child had a possible broken arm, with dazed parents looking at the defiant boy getting away with poor behaviour.  No apologies.

This was true.  I think my mouth was open in aghast the whole time.

Wardan was just a baby at the time. I knew then what I did NOT want my son to be like, and what I did not want to be like as a mom.

So I began to ask a lot of questions to moms with older kids.  Once, while waiting for dance class, I chatted about Shelley’s daughters’ upcoming graduation.   I wondered how rules work with a gr. 12 kid.  Her response:

“So do you wonder if there is a curfew and if she has to pay for things?  Of course there is!  She has to be home at 11 and if she wants the fancy runners she has to work another shift.”

Thank you for telling me that!!   I thought that “everyone” else has no rules, and that we must be wierd.  A word of thought…remember who is telling you that everyone else is.  YOUR KIDS!!

My boys tell me that their friends and cousins say we’re strict – because they are not allowed to watch certain movies and have limits on the xbox.  Basically there are restrictions.

Years ago I might have cared.  I tell the boys it’s because we love them and want whats best for them.  Sometimes they get it and sometimes they don’t.  But really, without rules, anything goes literally means anything goes.  (think of the boy pushing down the stairs incident!!)

Why do some think unconditional love means no-conditions?  No limitations or boundaries?  That is not love.  That is pure permission.

Un-Conditional love for my children means that I will love them WHEN they make mistakes and BECAUSE they aren’t perfect.

They are developing life skills. But this does require discipline and boundaries so that they can learn.   Playing on the x-box for hours on end does not create a person who knows how to look for the hurting or down-hearted.  It does not create any life skills like kindness or empathy.  So we limit it.  Our goal is to teach them SELF-discipline, so that one day they can fulfil their purpose on earth that God gave them.

Can you tell we’ve been bumping into these sort of experiences lately?  It’s on my mind.  Sometimes I feel a little like ranting.  The basic laws of cause and effect are often ignored and we, my kids included, have to learn how to navigate with others with different boundaries and still have grace.  Yes, grace.  This is hard.

I think it’s time for a summer break!

the measure of time

Tags

actor, book, congratulate, drama, invested, proud, thankful, Time, time passing, worry

Through the crowd of students I saw him.  We wait in the hallway outside of the highschool drama room after the production.  He’s one of the last actors to leave.

He runs his hands through his hair and gives a nod when he sees us.  After congratulating him on his performance we laugh about the T.V. on the set mysteriously turning on at the end.  (It was honestly not supposed to!) Some sort of wierd electrical charge.

I am so proud and stand in awe that this child that I birthed 16 years ago is coming of age.  No, he is of age.  He is having the time of his life in that drama group.

Somehow a lot of time has passed in that one blink.

I have this vision of life passing by me and I’m waving and cheering everyone on, only to look around and I’ve left with me; standing in the bleachers, the game is done and there’s no one left to cheer.  Now what?  What if I don’t accomplish what I intend? Don’t write that book, don’t lose that last 15 pounds (okay, maybe 20…), don’t make that one million?  The list goes on.

As I write it down I can see how foolish it is.  It’s so foolish to live by fear of what you might not do.  I think my fear comes as a precursor to children growing up and leaving the home.  SO MUCH time has been invested into these people and all that time will soon be given to back to me.  What am I going to do with all that TIME?

Then like a zoom lens I see today.  A day with it’s own rhythm and blessings and frustrations.  I painted, sanded and swept our house,  drove to soccer practice and listened to stories of sore stomachs and watched the opening night of Applebox Theatre Productions.  There is enough in each day to be thankful for let alone worry about.  That’ll be enough I think.

Therefor do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself..

Matt. 6:34

Gard and Ing on Mothers day

Tags

disappointment, emotional, failed, mothers day, prayer, proverbs, scars, thanks, wounds

My Mothers Day card this year.

Mother’s Day is a huge emotional hurdle for me.  To better understand it for me read my past post.  I think it explains it without me whining.

I am a motherless daughter of some 15 years.  The gypsy mama had a great post about it and was very encouraging.  Sometimes we need to take each others hand and hold each others wounds very carefully.  Applying ointment and salve that can heal the pain of loss and disappointment.

My mothers have left scars behind.  And they stretch open in May.

My prayer whispered in my first daughter’s ear when she entered the world was, “Please dear God, let me see her wedding and help her with her dress.  Let me live to shop for maternity clothes with her and help with the babies.  Don’t make her motherless like me.”

Those simple overlooked things that mothers do, I was so desperately missing at that time.  Looking back I can see I felt very alone in handling the world.  Unsure if I was doing it right and needing a hand.

BUT I have been blessed.  I watch my son drive his first car.  I talk about skin care with my teenager daughter.  We all sing at the piano at Christmas and in the summer camp in our 34 foot camper.  We celebrate life.  I celebrate being a mother.

I still failed this week.  Screaming over laundry loads, and crying over cookies not getting made.  Wishing it all away because I fear it will disappear out of my control.

People may make plans in their minds, but only the Lord can make them come true.

prov. 16:1

I continue to struggle with this and I honestly am not left with an easy answer.  Only sentimental saying about time heals and the Lord is good.   Perhaps this is my cross or my thorn.

A rock in my shoe that won’t get out and bugs me when I walk around this month.

I DO give thanks to my Mother in law for her life and our relationship.

Today I received showers of thanks from my kids for me.  Love.

And, oh yes,  I received my garden gnomes this year.  Two of them.  Gard and Ing.

on how I {transition}

Tags

adoption, blogging, books, paint, psychology, renovating, spring, transition, university, write

My soul, it wanders in transition.  Looking for a place to rest.  When my feet are finally on the ground then I can run again.

University ended with hours of sitting in front of notes and dreaming about cognitions and development theories.  I empathized with those suffering from strange psychological phenomenons and left the world of third year psychology a bit changed.

Most of all I realized that normal does not exist.  We all have symptoms of craziness.

And it’s so grand.

With books put away and the home based business already demanding my time I had to escape.  To regroup inside my insanity.

I thought about blogging nearly everyday but the words and will did not match up.  As much as I think I’m in control life has a way of making me do what it demands.  There were kids to drive to soccer and kitchens to order and rooms to paint.

Now my oldest daughter has begun expressing herself on the internet, without my encouragement or suggestion. Art has crept out of her.  Check out her tumblr page if you have time.

And I will write again.  The monkey brain inside is hushing and I can focus on craft.

Soon I will post some pictures of an investment property that we are renovating.  Maybe get some ideas for your place?

Also on my mind is the adoption story I want to tell.  It will kinda be like walking around with my pants around my ankles, exposed.  But perhaps give you a fresh view of how grace and sorrow are related.

And now I feel like there should be a movie clip saying “take two” after my long hiatus.  In everything there is a season and it was my time to be quiet.

Happy Spring.

we are that walking family

Tags

celebrations, dinner, easter, family, holding hands, imperfect, laughing, walks

When the meal is done with dishes on the granite and when we’ve savoured every bite,  we head outside.  The dogs walk and we run and laugh and trespass just to get the great view.  The neighborhood is not safe from our eyes and we notice the iron work and the wild yellow flowers.  The realtor signs are met with an “oh, they’re selling?!” cluck, cluck, cluck.

Sometimes Weston rides his bike up driveways and we walk in random array, not in order but in step.  In step to converse about life and heartaches and dreams for the season.  It is so pleasurable that we insist on taking the double block and stretching out the carefree event.

This has become a tradition for us.  The celebration might be a birthday or easter or just because we love each other.  Our family gathers, oma and opa, aunt and uncle, cousin and friends.  We finish the walk with chilled faces entering through the squeaky door and warm up by the hot coffee.

Life is not meant to be traveled alone but in groups, holding hands and running, and playing horseback at any age.  I invite you to enter into your family and do life with them.  Not as bystanders reading the christmas newsletter and envying all the accolades.  But as those who love.  Who love the imperfections of aunt Sally and the quirks of cousin Joe.

For inside family your best story is made and life is lived to the full.

Happy Easter.  HE IS RISEN, HE IS RISEN INDEED.

 

 

the trip to Huatulco

Tags

beach, friends, Huatulco, Mexico, sick, travel, trips, vacations

The moment you step out of the plane onto the tarmack, feel the humidity and see the palm trees waving is my favorite part of going to Mexico.  The anticipation of a great time soaking in the sun, the waves, and leaving your worries behind.  And this year was no exception.

We flew to a different part of Mexico called Huatulo, a very small area in Mexico off the beaten tourist path.  It is down the pacific coast nearer to central America versus the US.  There were 15 of us in total, with the Gilman family and a mutual child-hood friend and her family.  There is something magical about reconnecting as adults.  The feeling like time ever passed and yet, there they were holding hands with their children.

The three of us - me, T, and D

Unfortunately I picked up a bug somewhere so for 3 days I was holed up in my room.  I’ll spare you the details BUT I think I caught it on the plane not in Mexico.  I have been to the Caribbean and other parts of Mexico and never gotten sick like that.  So I wouldn’t worry about traveling to Mexico HOWEVER as a precaution, always carry advanced immodium.

Folklore tells me that one day in Mexican sun is like the equivalent of a whole winter season of canadian sun.  I would agree.  The switch was turned on the day after we got there.  Spontaneous smiling and a feeling of peace.

I feel very fortunate to go somewhere warm and give thanks to God for the airmiles points and the savings account.  I know I am lucky.  I tell our kids how lucky they are to go.  While we were buying sandals at Walmart the cashier commented on our upcoming trip.  She was around 20 years old.  ”My parents never took me anywhere hot…”

If you want to go to a guaranteed hot weather location then Huatulco is great.  It was somewhere around +40 degrees everyday.  Keep that in mind.  I actually sought out the air-conditioned rooms.

The pictures can tell the rest of our vacation.  Buenos Dias!

 

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spring thaws and {a give away}

Tags

giveaway, March, photo, SAD, spring thaw, stressed, sun, water

I embrace the changing season as winter melts and the water soothes.  Sitting out on my patio chair the birds sing and all I can hear is the drip, drip of water off the upper deck.

Sunshine warms my heart and hope peeks its head around the corner.

Just a few more days.  Just a few more days.

March is my make or break month.  I still feel her hand rubbing my back with my eyes closed.  Telling me I can do it, and the sun is coming.  It bothered me in high school and bothers me now.  The high stress years bringing darker days and sleepless nights.

Spring thaw

There’s no motherly hug anymore but I have her words and the Lord sends the sun. When I was doing my photo walk-about I almost missed the buds.  The cherry trees have baby buds on them ready to burst when the weather warms up.   So besides the hope I get from these,  I also anticipate the cherry’s to eat by the handfuls.  yummm.

We’re away next week for my prescribed dose of Mexican sun.

Any interesting photo ideas that I should take when I’m there? I’d love your input and I’ve decided that in the month of April I’d giveaway a photo to any requests.  Yes, to your door in a manilla envelope.  If you ask, you shall receive.

 

 

 

spending time on the books

Tags

excellence, family, grades, marks, midterms, study, Time, university

I’m sitting in my class fiddling with my water bottle and talking to Jo in front of me.  She’s an over-ager like me and studies hard for tests always aiming to excel at them.  I bemuse that I can’t ever get my 95% again so I don’t really try and she just smiles and says she’s somewhat anal about her grades.  And I suddenly get it.

I mean the light clicks on in my brain.  I realize that I’ve accepted mediocracy in my education, my life.  When did I start doing that?  I know I was one of those {un}fortunate students in highschool who didn’t really have to study to get good grades but now I see that I also developed bad habits.  I didn’t strive for excellence.

So, this round of midterms, I aimed to apply myself but I remember why I accepted average marks.  It takes a lot of time.  Time from family and volunteer work and sleep.

At some point though, I have to decide that what I am doing is worth taking the time. My family is worth me devoting time to but I’m part of the family too!  I am living in the year of finding my VOICE.

I’ve been hunched over books for the last 2 weeks and developed quite the sore shoulders.  I’ve dreamt about Piaget, Major Depressive Disorder and the phonological loop.  I’ve rehearsed and recollected til I can rehearse no more.  Today I’m happy to say I’ve wrote the last test.  And, MOST IMPORTANTLY,  I feel like I’ve done my best.

My creative writing was put on hold and my blogging had to wait.  And that is life.  Prioritizing and getting done what had to get done.  Striving for excellence.

Do you sometimes feel like you’ve let little things go that you know very well you could have tried harder or done better?  For me, I think it’s my perfectionism that would rather use as an excuse, “I didn’t try”  so that I didn’t have to feel like a failure. Or I’ve gotten lazy.

Either way, I’ve been adjusting again.  Like the GPS.  Recalculating, recalculating.

I am also SO EXCITED to tell you about a new business project I took on.  (Well, Wes and I took on…) I’m going to devote a whole category in my blog to it.  I’ll post soon.

That is, once I catch up on the sleep I’ve stolen to study.

 

a series of unfortunate observations {or not?}

Tags

driving, excused, harbingers, hot yoga, ipad, memory, observations, oreos, professors, spring, women

So much has been happening around me that I have scarce had a moment to blog.  So this post will not look like a polished, neat little witty post but more general observations that many see but fail to notice.

~One of the harbingers of spring has been loudly observed.  No, not the robin but the yellow street cleaners.  This, hopefully, means that the roads will not become icy again.

~It is fun to eat oreos with a 4 year old.  They can help you keep the icing in one solid white disk by demonstrating the twisting motion.

~A professor should never begin a question with…”I probably shouldn’t ask this…” because they probably shouldn’t ask then.  Especially when the question is about why students are not attending her class.

~There is a chance that if you give rude gestures with your finger to someone else driving, you will spill your coffee and have to clean it up and stop your car.  Then the other driver will drive by with a wave.  Yes, I waved.

~I think a good measurement of how successful the prof was at teaching the material of memory and cognition should be how well I do on the test after applying the memory techniques.

~It is VERY HOT in the hot yoga class and as a reluctant sweater, I’m not sure why I’m in the class.

~A woman should not have to be patient or kind for 3 days of every month.  I’d like to be excused.

~The ipad has made it very hard for me to shut the light off and go to sleep because now the books have their own light and I can read in the dark.

Happy Spring Everyone.  I hope that you are feeling the suns rays wherever you may live.  

girls just wanna play {RINGETTE}

Tags

banquet, costume, equipment, girls hockey, laughs, ringette, saskatchewan, skating, windup

 

I remember gr. 5 in my little town, where winter lives for 6 months of year.  The new school principle just moved in and brought with him a new sport for girls.  RINGETTE.

 It was a game that you played on ice with a ring and a stick with similar rules as hockey but without all the equipment.  Let me clarify, it is NOT hockey for girls.

Back in the day we wore a red jersey sweat suit with white down the arms like the adidas stripe.  We had a helmet for safety and elbow pads in case we fell.  I had to trade in my beloved white figure skates for ugly brown boys skates.

Our first game we drove as a team to Wainwright, AB and got dressed in the hockey room laughing and drinking out of white and red water bottles. We won the game and I was hooked.  No more twirls and jumps.  Just hard fast skating, passing, and scoring goals.

Now the safety measure has been increased to include full body equipment and a special mask.  But the same camaraderie is there and I’m still hooked.  My BF from the first ringette team I ever played on, lives here in town and we go every monday to the rink and again drink from white and red water bottles.  Lots of laughs and falls.

I spent the past weekend playing ringette.  4 games in 14 hours! This sport is quite possibly the only exercise I do willingly and don’t notice the sweaty mess I become.

We had our annual wind-up tournament, complete with a dress up banquet to finish.  The theme was fairytales and I was an evil female villan.

Yes, Cruella de Ville.  poor puppies…

The best event of the night was the marshmallow throwing fight at the end.  One person just starts hucking the marshmallows and soon the whole room is full of flying white soft balls.  We regressed into children again.  So. Many. Laughs.

Team sports are life sports.  Recreation with intention.

Now I have to figure out what to do for exercise over the summer!