This morning at the gym I had a reality check.  And for once it was a good one!

For the past 12 years I’ve been a stay at home mom.  My routine was very repetitive and circular.  It went something like this: get up, get kids fed, make lunches, say goodbye, clean kitchen, do errands, wash clothes, fold clothes, put in drawers, take dog for a walk, tidy house, feed kids supper, take kids to lessons, practice music, cheer on team, assist in homework, put kids to bed, check emails, surf facebook, promptly fall into bed.  Only to repeat this EVERYDAY.  There was no forward motion or measurable growth.  (besides the kids getting taller and my ever expanding waistline!) Until we moved.

Here, I joined a gym 10 months ago and committed to a trainer.  The first few months were exhausting and I really wanted to skip often…but I had paid.  I had many reality checks after Zumba class acknowledging just how I much I neglected myself these past years.  Then today.  I was on a machine that I haven’t done since the beginning.  It is the one where you are not standing but resting on your elbows in the standing position and lift your knees up and down, at least that’s what your supposed to do! Flashback to me sweating, seeing stars and only being able to hold, not lift up and down, for a total of 10 sec.  Now flashforward to me today holding the position and doing the 10 reps of knee lifts 3 times.  I stepped off the stand and nearly started crying I just couldn’t believe it.  I have progressed!  There is measurable change!  I have internal strength.  This physical strength is also symbolic of how I am changing my thoughts too.  I am not writing this to brag because I realize how far I still have to go.  But how many of us are stuck going round and round because we believe we deserve that and can’t do anything else?  I denied that I was putting my family first even though I knew that neglecting myself wasn’t doing anybody any good.  I stand guilty of that.  But no more  shame…on no, I can see how strong I’ve become and I’m not stopping.

So, should I step off this path, could someone please remind me of this day.  I just might need your help then.