Summer has been so unplanned that my blog posts have been seriously sporadic. However I did have some checkups to do that I had procrastinated on and I had an interesting discussion with my 10 year old during the one visit. While doing errands with Wynter, I had a dr.’s appointment. I guess I assumed that a doctor’s office was common; That Wynter had been in there before and my biggest concern was for her to be patient while I discussed stuff in the little room. Not so. She has not seen the inside of a doctors office since her baby check-ups. Needless to say we had an interesting talk.
Wynter: “What is this place for mom? I mean why do people come here?” – I answer “Well, to check rashes and sore throats and such illnesses. I realize at this point that she has NEVER had a doctors appointmen,t that she can rememeber (other than being 1 or 2 years old at checkups).
Wynter: “Well, why are we here? What are you checking?” – I answer “As a woman we have to have checkups and ‘stuff’ to prevent getting sick or things like cancer.” Yes I said the ‘C’ word cause that is really the ONLY reason why I get a yearly checkup.
Wynter: “Well, how would you know if you had cancer?” – I answer ” the doctor takes a sample from you and sends it to a lab and then you come back to discuss it with her.” (She does not need to know the awkward details of how she gets the sample) Which is why we were there that day, a follow up. At this point we start discussing cancer and what it is exactly and then she gets really quiet.
Wynter: “You would tell us if you had cancer?” – she says this fearfully BUT confidently, looking straight at me. I am taken aback but I answer “Yes of course, this appointment is just routine.” I squeeze her and it dawns on me that we just shared a moment of finiteness. That I’m not going to live forever and that I am human. Going to Die. (not today hopefully!) How will she deal with that? She wants to know if I’m going to hide from her sickness. She has figured out that parents shelter their kids from pain and sorrow, but in this instance she HAS to know.
The whole conversation was so brief that I could assume it as inconsequential. We went to the library after and got her the seventh book in the ‘Series of Unfortunate Events’ and picked up a mango smoothie to sip in the hot sun. But I kept thinking about that moment of her asking me point-blank about being sick. Sometimes we pass on more than just an physical inheritance but tools to handle life and the curve balls it throws us. We believe God is in all things. We are not alone. She will not be alone when I die.
I really want to pass on hope, cause in the end that is all that matters.