I’m sitting in my class fiddling with my water bottle and talking to Jo in front of me.  She’s an over-ager like me and studies hard for tests always aiming to excel at them.  I bemuse that I can’t ever get my 95% again so I don’t really try and she just smiles and says she’s somewhat anal about her grades.  And I suddenly get it.

I mean the light clicks on in my brain.  I realize that I’ve accepted mediocracy in my education, my life.  When did I start doing that?  I know I was one of those {un}fortunate students in highschool who didn’t really have to study to get good grades but now I see that I also developed bad habits.  I didn’t strive for excellence.

So, this round of midterms, I aimed to apply myself but I remember why I accepted average marks.  It takes a lot of time.  Time from family and volunteer work and sleep.

At some point though, I have to decide that what I am doing is worth taking the time. My family is worth me devoting time to but I’m part of the family too!  I am living in the year of finding my VOICE.

I’ve been hunched over books for the last 2 weeks and developed quite the sore shoulders.  I’ve dreamt about Piaget, Major Depressive Disorder and the phonological loop.  I’ve rehearsed and recollected til I can rehearse no more.  Today I’m happy to say I’ve wrote the last test.  And, MOST IMPORTANTLY,  I feel like I’ve done my best.

My creative writing was put on hold and my blogging had to wait.  And that is life.  Prioritizing and getting done what had to get done.  Striving for excellence.

Do you sometimes feel like you’ve let little things go that you know very well you could have tried harder or done better?  For me, I think it’s my perfectionism that would rather use as an excuse, “I didn’t try”  so that I didn’t have to feel like a failure. Or I’ve gotten lazy.

Either way, I’ve been adjusting again.  Like the GPS.  Recalculating, recalculating.

I am also SO EXCITED to tell you about a new business project I took on.  (Well, Wes and I took on…) I’m going to devote a whole category in my blog to it.  I’ll post soon.

That is, once I catch up on the sleep I’ve stolen to study.