My Mothers Day card this year.

Mother’s Day is a huge emotional hurdle for me.  To better understand it for me read my past post.  I think it explains it without me whining.

I am a motherless daughter of some 15 years.  The gypsy mama had a great post about it and was very encouraging.  Sometimes we need to take each others hand and hold each others wounds very carefully.  Applying ointment and salve that can heal the pain of loss and disappointment.

My mothers have left scars behind.  And they stretch open in May.

My prayer whispered in my first daughter’s ear when she entered the world was, “Please dear God, let me see her wedding and help her with her dress.  Let me live to shop for maternity clothes with her and help with the babies.  Don’t make her motherless like me.”

Those simple overlooked things that mothers do, I was so desperately missing at that time.  Looking back I can see I felt very alone in handling the world.  Unsure if I was doing it right and needing a hand.

BUT I have been blessed.  I watch my son drive his first car.  I talk about skin care with my teenager daughter.  We all sing at the piano at Christmas and in the summer camp in our 34 foot camper.  We celebrate life.  I celebrate being a mother.

I still failed this week.  Screaming over laundry loads, and crying over cookies not getting made.  Wishing it all away because I fear it will disappear out of my control.

People may make plans in their minds, but only the Lord can make them come true.

prov. 16:1

I continue to struggle with this and I honestly am not left with an easy answer.  Only sentimental saying about time heals and the Lord is good.   Perhaps this is my cross or my thorn.

A rock in my shoe that won’t get out and bugs me when I walk around this month.

I DO give thanks to my Mother in law for her life and our relationship.

Today I received showers of thanks from my kids for me.  Love.

2007And, oh yes,  I received my garden gnomes this year.  Two of them.  Gard and Ing.