It’s dark in the car and the girls are tired from the volleyball tournament. We are driving an hour and a half for home. I struggle to keep my dry eyes alert on the road. This weekend has consisted of 8 long games with mostly wins and emotions about self-worth combined with p.m.s. The 15 year olds are growing up and trying to make sense out of life.
This note is more of a reflection than a ‘what I know’ list.
I think of myself as young still. And for the most part I am a young mom. A lot of other mothers there at this tournament are at least 5 years older than me. 5 + years of more life experience than me. When I think of giving advice, I often feel like I don’t know as much or have much to offer.
Most of my life has been through trial and error and a lot of prayer.
Tonight in the dark with car lights zooming by and the radio turned low, we talked and laughed about when I was 15. When I was young I did crazy young things like bomb my first job interview. Confessing to the interviewer that I did NOT know why she should hire me.
I told them how I sat on the bench watching my fellow team mates play and how hard I had to try to get on the A line in grade 12. I empathized with them when discussing the cruelty of some coaches. I reminded them that what another human being says about you does NOT DEFINE YOU or YOUR ABILITY.
And I told them how important it is to write. A journal or a poem or a story. Because in writing we meet the one who created us. Our monkey brain can just get out the way and our heart lays flat in the words. Black and white. He’s there applying salve to wounds and adding fire to passion.
Writing gives perspective. For me.
A writer, photographer, storyteller and laugher.
Even when I played volleyball every September in the 80’s and carried one of the gold medals home from Ringette. I wrote my life down. I’m not a superstar player. I have fun, and honor my body with exercise, but life is decay. I didn’t know that then. I just wanted to play.
The gift of watching my daughter and her friends enjoy their youthful skills is treasured deep in my heart. I can learn from them about being gracious to friends and speaking boldly. And here I write it down. Not wanting to forget the weekend or the car ride or the moments shared.
I must print my blog.
Just in case the internet goes down.
Do you think it will?
Day 12 is missing in action due to traveling and chaperoning.