It’s tuesday December 4th and somehow I feel like the cosmos has just shifted. The world has tilted all dangerous like and made me feel super vulnerable again. My son has just passed his driving test. My first born son. I’ve never experienced what it’s like to do this before.
I liken the whole feeling to when he stepped on the big yellow school bus at the age of 4 and grabbed the large silver handle and stopped to look at me. I saw it in his eyes and my heart was pierced with uncertainty. What’s going to happen to him without me there? If I didn’t have 2 little ones standing beside me waving and cheering I swear I would’ve ran out after the bus, crying that I made a mistake, he’s not supposed to leave yet. But when little eyes are watching you must be brave. You must be brave.
And so, I must be brave again.
By the time my youngest gets her license I know this will be another story. When she headed to her first day at school, I ran back into the house, grabbed my keys and whooped it up with the coffee ladies over at my friends house. All of the kids were in school. Whoopee!
Today I think of Mary and how she had to be brave. Way bigger issue than me but still human like me.
maybe that’s an understatement? I can’t imagine what dealing with an immaculate conception and birthing the son of God is like. But all mothers know that you really don’t understand, can’t understand, all of His plans for our children. But we trust that God’s with us. With them. Emmanuel.
And this little day will go mainly as unremembered and ordinary but still now, it’s tilted toward the sun just a bit more. Calling for a bit more courage as a mom.