In my grade 10 year my relative and best friend found out she was moving two provinces away.  I remember being in her backyard garden helping her and her mom pick the peas while her dad hoed the row.  We had played on her horse and were just hanging out when the news fell on us.  A sudden fear of being alone and facing the small town brought out a quick tear.  The garden dirt suddenly seemed very brown and the plants uber-green.  The world was super saturated in colour.

But I was offered a chance to go with.  To run away from fear. To have an adventure.  I was so going.  Grade eleven, a thousand miles from home, from parents, with my best friend and family, what could be better?

*    *    *    *    *

That was me.  That is me.  Moving, going, shaking.  Not sitting too still.  Especially when I’m a little uncertain about what lies around the corner, my heart beats fast and I put my runners on.  The time to run comes and I can’t help it.

Dad & Daughter risking the road
Dad & Daughter risking the road

xmas2012-0672012 was a good year.  One that I found my ‘voice’.  Where I gained confidence in my writing and my choices.  Less approval neccessary for doing what I want even if it doesn’t make sense to someone else.  I mean, really, how many mothers of 4 are enrolled in full time university?

But this year as I contemplate what lies ahead, the picture is still super fuzzy.  I still do not know whether I’ll get a job doing what I love and went to school for, or if I’m just going to end up a cashier at Coopers.  The need to find a way out from experiencing this uncertainty is bubbling up like a club soda.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA I know that I am naturally a visionary.  I’ve taken the Myers Brigg test and it’s pretty accurate.  I see big picture ideas and cast visions.  But to stay close and keep focused?  That’s a challenge for me.  The little details bog me down and frustrate me.  I’m quick to discard a picture if it needs too much editing in lightroom.  That drains me.

But what if I chose to abide?  To sit quietly with my faith, my family and just be still.  I imagine a young child listening to their grandfather tell a story.  Eyes focused and pulse quiet.

New Year’s resolutions are the ultimate list for those of us big thinkers.  We love all the planning and dreaming.

The past few years I’ve embraced having just {one word.}  One simple thought to clarify a purposeful year.

To ABIDE, came to me while I was eating copious amounts of pie and drinking numerous glasses of wine this Christmas holiday.  University is almost done.   The end is looming.

But I shall abide.  I shall embrace (said with the r rolled and arms swept out), embrace the upcoming year without trying to pass over the challenges. This is not to be facetious but seriously, to have the stamina to get it done.  To finish the race well I need to abide and find strength in trusting that the little things will be taken care of by God.  He can edit the picture.  I don’t have to.

I shall ABIDE.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAHave you thought about your year?  Maybe have a word to clarify your purpose for the year?  I’d love to hear about it. 

Advertisements