My whole life since I was a wee girl on the swing set dreaming of who my real mum and dad were, – you know the rich musician who gave away her daughter – I embraced whatever the world thought of me. That being teachers and parents. Emerge the good girl. I mean can you imagine if I was naughty? That would mean I was naughty and therefor not worth existing. It’s a great challenge for people to believe that they might be born the result of chance. Or that they shouldn’t have been born.
It was my utmost desire to make everyone like me – love me, so that I was valued. Perhaps you can relate. Does it make you feel physically sick if someone shows you disdain or criticizes you? Ya, me too. At least it did.
You might subconsciously believe that your worth is defined by how others view you. And that is a very slippery slope. So precarious that it will cripple you as the years pile up. Getting worse and worse.
I avoided all situations that might just challenge someone’s opinion of me. Stay safe. So I thought. Do not be vulnerable.
You could say I’ve been dealing with some personal matters lately. I’ve had to decide whether I am going to believe a
hater’s person’s negative opinion of me or whether I have one of my own that tells me I am enough.
The nice glass house I was living in was soon to break as I exercised some boundaries. I dared to speak for me. The house shattered and there I stood like the naked emperor. Except I knew I was naked. I still don’t know why I stood my ground. Why did I say no?
As I drove around the valley wanting to flee the discomfort that morning of THE GREAT RECKONING. (The morning The full force of hate was received) The voice in my brain kept repeating, “lean into the discomfort.” “Lean in.” Feel the emotion and know that it does NOT define you.
How timely is it that I’ve been reading Brene Browns work on happy people being the ones who dare to show up. They are the ones who are Daring Greatly. Exposing themselves to being real and authentic. Believing that life is worth risking. Intuitively I knew that I needed to try this. Check out her TED talk. Wow.
You are enough.
No more outside validation required.
This is not to endorse taking an unrealistic approach of our behaviour that might need correcting. In fact it separates the difference between you ‘are’ bad and you ‘do’ bad. Shame versus guilt.
So I’ve been thinking about my art, my writing and photography and even this blog. And if I embrace the concept of being enough, what does that look like for my passions?
School is beginning and one more semester until I finish. I can’t believe it’s here. This fall I will pack my ipad, gum and water bottle and hop in the car WITH MY SON to university. Weird.
Are you ready for school to start? Obviously I’ve had some personal growth thrown into shopping for school supplies. Also, I’ve been pondering how to teach my kids that they are enough. What are your thoughts?