Day 30~ What teens really want to see.

october 13-088I was going to be all faithful in blogging everyday but you know I embrace the ‘slow blogging’ movement which is organic lazy but certainly more real for my life.  This blog isn’t a money maker for me.  It’s a platform to work out my passions, art and writing, and trust that my words will find a home to whomever needs to hear them.

With that said, I totally intended to lay out a topic for each day with parenting and tips.  Obviously that didn’t happen; how many days did I skip?   I value the journes so I have learned something along the way as I intentionally thought about life with TEENAGERS.

To add to that thought, I am in 4th year psychology classes and seminars which somehow takes in-depth psychological knowledge into the everyday.  Maybe it’s just the teachers this year, but for whatever reason, the everyday is overlapping into the studies in such good ways.

With the electric guitar blaring in the bedroom and ‘how it’s made’ still on TV with NOBODY watching, I will share with you what I learned today that I instinctively knew but appreciate the reminder.

I am going to be straight up that what I say now is generalizations that only a blogger could do and somewhat simplified. If you want the full meal deal on these psychological theories and disorders you have to sign up for psyo 442 and show them the money and do your time.  

Attachment theory posits that most of our social life and how we interpret and now act was formed in our youth with the attachment to our caregivers/ parents.  We tend to see things in life in two ways, by what we hear and say; the content of life. Go to bed and I love you, type of sayings. The second way we learn is at the relational level or how we do things; the deeper unintentional message.  This is modelling. Most of us know that our children are seeing what we do, absorbing it and making decisions from that.

But what we don’t often realize is that most levels of thinking will go so much deeper into our psyche that only the grace of God could ever touch with much counselling and hard emotional work.  I posted a poem a few days ago that was a clear representation of that.  See it here.

The question is, what can a parent do to help their intentions of being good – (very vague term), and to translate those into becoming a real purposeful parent of love and grace and truth?

I believe that having an intentional parenting manifesto is one key to success in parenting for all ages.  Not just teenagers. 

We tell the kids on my ringette team to sign a code of conduct before the season’s begun.  The parents have to do the same.  This commitment means you’re on the hook for your behaviour while on the ice or in the stands.  Without committing to positive role modelling, stupid things like yelling at 13 year old refs occur.  Cause they really like that.   Really?

If you have a few minutes in your day, take some time to write out what you value.  Do you value respect? Honesty? Gratitude? independence? family life?  Then decide how that looks.  Chances are some event will trigger your memory as you think about why these are your values.  It could even be a negative experience that you wished played out differently.  This is what you aspire to be.  This is what you commit to be.

Or you could print one off that I think is an amazing summary of what I believe.  Brené Brown has created a realistic and honest manifesto, which she has put on her blog.  I’m posting it here and putting the link below.

ParentingManifesto-brene brown

image source click on the blue.  This image is for display.  Use the link to download a free one of your own!

Wes and I have reassessed our values periodically for the kids and us as they’ve matured and we’ve grown too.  I’m definitely not perfect and make many mistakes as you’ve read about here.   

Have you written a manifesto?  Maybe thought about one?  Would you add anything to this? 

This post is part of my 31 days of Teenagers.